Recollections of Psychosis After Fifty Years
1
Butterflies in my stomach
nausea creeping.
The pool looked longer
than its twenty-five yards.
The race is a blank.
No one really won.
I remember the smell
of chlorine
and the taste of the almost.
Something to write
In a journal—
blank pages
that feel like leaves
of discontent.
Once I had a purpose.
2
Knowing too much
he moved forward
walking in the leaf litter
and pine needles
as trees talked
through rhizomes
of fungi. Trees
grow slowly
compared to animals.
His mind drifted
Into a semi-consciousness.
Walking walking
Trying to get to the end
of the trail. It is endless.
He runs faster, faster open mouthed
heart pumping.
He cannot go on
Collapsing into convulsions
on the forest floor
feeling separated from
his body. Thoughts
of outer space aliens enter.
Why is he on this trail?
Wishing one more chance
he screams to the trees
who answer him with silence.
3
Sky filled with stars.
Full moon casts shadows
in the night. The sun rising
in the east in light of a new day.
In spring trees bud,
flowers bloom, roses full
in June. People work.
Over time wounds heal.
Love happens-late
In life. It overwhelms
suffering.
Do not wonder
What if.
Ask What is!
4
Ripples form when
A stone drops into a lake.
Black water with no bottom.
Sitting for hours—-
waiting. Rituals
honor the past—-
bring us to the present.
Master, does a dog have
Buddha nature?
Mu,[i] the master replies.
[i]The first Koan from The Gateless Gate by Chinese Zen Master Wumen Huikai (Mumon Ekai Japanese). The word Muis translated as meaning “nothin”.
