Dilemma

The war was over. It had been over for some time. Cornelius came back not the same as when he’d left. He’d seen a lot. There was death and dismemberment. Friends lost and maimed. Cornelius accepted most of that. He’d gone to serve his country, bring peace and freedom to the oppressed. It’s not that he was cavalier about these things it’s just that for Cornelius the war was a matter of fact. War takes place somewhere in the world constantly. Cornelius knew that and tried not to think about it much.

Besides it wasn’t the actual fact of war that haunted Cornelius. The thing that lurked in his memory, followed him, if you will, was in his mind. He couldn’t get away from the feeling that he was going to be attacked at any moment. As he walked down the gray streets of West Philadelphia that were his home, he always looked at who was on the street near him. There was the lady with her two young children walking home from the Acme grocery store. She looked harmless, but who knows what she carried in those bags, a gun, a bomb? Then there were the teenagers at the local park playing basketball, throwing a ball worn smooth from bouncing on asphalt through a bent hoop with no net. Put guns in their hands and you’d have a band of killers like the ones that Cornelius fought with.

Cornelius was paranoid. He knew it. The Doc at the VA knew it and told him so. But knowing this fact didn’t make him any less suspicious of others nor did it make him feel any better. Cornelius roamed the streets dressed in his camouflage jacket, old jeans and sneakers with no laces constantly looking behind him staring fixedly at people he passed always alone, always afraid, living in his private hell. He tried not to complain when he spoke to the Docs at the VA. They gave him pills that didn’t help and made him sleepy. He threw them away. Cornelius wasn’t dangerous, just hyper-alert and sometimes sad when he remembered his life before he’d experienced war.

Before Cornelius had gone to war he had been a graduate student studying electronic engineering at the University of Pennsylvania located in West Philadelphia, PA. That’s why West Philly seemed like home to him. He’d spent much of his adult life there. In undergraduate school he’d signed up for ROTC. It helped pay for school. He was in the reserves after college. His unit was called up to fight and that’s all there was to it. He had to go.

Cornelius was a bright student, always pushing the envelope of theory and practice. He’d been well-liked by his classmates too. He remembered his friends in the department with sadness. He didn’t want any of them to see him the way he was now. Unshaven, with shoulder length hair and dirty from living on the streets, he was mostly unrecognizable to anyone who had known him. Still he often walked on the campus remembering how his life had been, sobbing quietly in corners as soft tears rolled down his cheeks. Now he was unable to work, unable to study. He was a statistic. One more disabled vet.

One day while standing outside the engineering building looking at some students walking by that he wasn’t sure were not going to shoot him, Cornelius felt someone bump into him. He fell immediately to the ground trying to hide.

“Hey, are you all right?” asked a young man dressed in jeans and a T-shirt.

“I think so,” replied Cornelius looking up from the ground.

It took a moment then there was a smile on the young man’s face as well as a look of surprise.

“Cornelius? Is that you?”

“Who wants to know?” 

“It’s Amos! Amos Shea! I was two years behind you in the electronic engineering PhD program. I heard you went off to the war. Man, you look terrible.”

Cornelius stood up and looked suspiciously at Amos. Cornelius remembered him. He was an up and coming star in electronic engineering before Cornelius had left. They’d even worked together on a couple of projects. Embarrassed and unsure Cornelius extended his hand.

“Hi Amos,” he said.

Amos grabbed Cornelius’ hand and pumped hard. 

“It’s great to see you. But what happened? How did you wind up like this?”

“It’s from the war,” Cornelius replied. “I’m not the same as I was. Can’t think right anymore. “

“Well, let me buy you lunch, we can talk over old times. I’m working on a very exciting kind of secret project for a large communications company. Part of it is based on your theory of the influence of electrical impulses on brain chemistry. Do you remember telling me about that before you left?”

“Not really. A lot of things from the old days are just a blur. That time in my life seems like a dream. It wasn’t real. I got to go.”

Cornelius turned and walked away from Amos. 

“Wait!” Amos called. “Why don’t you go home and change your clothes. I’ll meet you back here in an hour. We can go to lunch at POD.” (POD was one of the upscale restaurants that had appeared on the campus once the university took over all the property that surrounded it in an effort to insulate faculty and students from the West Philadelphia ghetto.)

“I don’t have any other clothes, Amos. Don’t have a home either. I told you. I’m not the same. Not right anymore. Can’t really help it. I’m paranoid, always afraid.”

Amos looked sadly at Cornelius. Then walked slowly toward him and put his hand on Cornelius’ shoulder. The sky was gray and drops of rain were beginning to fall. 

“Let me help you,” said Amos. “Perhaps I can help more than you realize.”

Cornelius thought about this statement for a bit. Then slowly walked toward Amos and said, “OK, pal, let’s do it!”

They went to Amos’ apartment in West Philly where Cornelius took a shower and shaved. Amos cut a lot of his hair off so he looked more like an aging hippie than a street person. Cornelius and Amos were about the same size so new clothes weren’t a problem. Cornelius still wasn’t sure he trusted Amos but he did remember him from the old days and his memories were favorable. 

Amos and Cornelius entered POD and got a table near the window. Cornelius asked to be moved since he was uncomfortable there, too many people walking by. Never can tell what anyone is going to do, you see. When their food came Cornelius picked some up in his chopsticks and sniffed it to see if it was OK to eat. Amos just smiled wistfully and went along with his old friend’s “idiosyncrasies”. 

Finally Amos said, “I told you I was working on something secret for an electronics company.”

“You did,” said Cornelius between wolfing down bites of food. He hadn’t eaten in several days and before that not inside a restaurant. 

“Well, as I said, my work is based on the theories of electronic charges on brain function. You remember we talked about that when you were in school.”

“I do now,” Cornelius said softly. Then he added, “If it’s a secret maybe it’s better not to talk about it here. You never know who’s listening.”

“It’s all right,” said Amos. “Even if someone hears us they won’t believe us nor will they be able to duplicate the work I’ve put in. You see, I’ve developed this gadget that can attach to a cell phone and receive signals transmitted through the internet. My device translates the signals into neuron-like impulses that form the basis of brain waves like you see on an EEG.”

“So what can you do with these signals? What result do they have on brain function?”

“This is the great thing Cornelius,” said Amos excitedly. “You can change a man’s mind! You could cure mental illness without using drugs. You could end war by sending messages of love and kindness to everyone.”

“But wouldn’t each cell phone have to have this “gadget” in it to make it work? It doesn’t seem feasible that every cell phone could have this gadget installed. That’s provided that it worked at all,” Cornelius responded, suspicious of Amos claim. 

“Well that’s part of the secret. This electronics company I’m working for is going to install my device in all its phones. They’re the largest supplier of cell phones in the world right now and are in negotiations with the US government to license the technology to all cell phone manufacturers.  The government is planning to have my gadget installed in every new cell phone made. I know it seems like doing this might be difficult, but remember all cars have things like seat belts and catalytic converters now by government mandate. Some people fought those changes but in the end it was decided that it was best for the public good to have these things.  My gadget definitely promotes the public good. We can finally have the kind of world we’ve always wanted, where people love and respect each other, where there is prosperity, where there is peace.”

“So you’ve perfected this gadget?” Cornelius asked.

“Not quite yet. It’s still in the experimental stage. Why don’t you come back to my place again and I’ll show you. We can try it on your paranoia.”

Suspicious of everything Cornelius didn’t feel much like trying this gadget on himself, nor did he think it was a good idea for an individual or agency, no matter how benevolent, to control individuals’ thoughts. In fact he perceived Amos’ gadget as sinister and vile. He wasn’t sure if that was because of his paranoia or his own good judgment. Suddenly Cornelius knew what he must do.

“Sure, let’s go back to your place and try it out,” he said.

Amos paid the bill at POD and they both walked to Amos’ apartment. All the while Cornelius looked at passers-by in the street checking for any hostile movements. He knew what he must do. He knew it was wrong but he had to do it. As they walked up to Amos apartment Cornelius spoke to Amos. 

“What about the morality of this course of action?” he asked Amos. “How can you justify taking away a person’s free will?” 

“Free will is an illusion,” replied Amos. “Look at how traditional advertising and internet advertising combine to create ideas in consumers’ minds. Do you think there is really any original thought in the world?”

“I used to,” said Cornelius softly as Amos opened the door to his apartment. Once inside Cornelius did not sit down. He was too restless. He knew what he had to do. He knew it was wrong, but how else could he save humanity from Amos’ cell phone gadget? As Amos went into his bedroom to bring out the device, Cornelius picked up a long knife in the kitchen. Amos was the enemy now. Amos and his cell phone gadget. But could Cornelius actually murder him in cold blood after all his kindness. Still, mind control is evil, isn’t it? But maybe the device could help him. Cornelius was standing in Amos living room holding the kitchen knife and shaking when Amos came out with his device. Amos gave a quizzical look upon seeing Cornelius this way. Cornelius began to sing “America the Beautiful” unsure of what to do next.

END

From the Book Memories Lost